Over a month at my new job

I can't believe it's been over a month at my new job. I have to say, so far it's been a very good experience. I seem to be well liked and respected and I fit in. I've brought forward a handful of useful ideas and my boss says I'm doing great. Talk about a boost to my confidence.

The place is very busy, but that suits me fine. I hate having little to do but watch the clock all day. Here, you blink and it's 10 am, blink again and it's lunch. Next thing you know you're on your way home. I've lost about 7 pounds since I started there, mostly because I'm eating really good during the day. I walk the neighbourhood over my lunch hour, which also helps with the weight. It's also a great way to break up the day.

Anyway, my anxiety is at an all time low. The owner of the company wants me to visit a potential new client in the near future to see about doing work for them. I'm not even afraid one bit.

It's nice to feel like I've finally found something that's working out. I only wish the money was a bit better. I think that's going to change, though. They know I'm worth more to them and I hope they are smart enough to pay me accordingly.

I miss posting, but I just don't have much time for it any more. Hope everyone's been doing well.

Week Two Starts Tomorrow

I survived my first week and am ready for week two. I'm feeling pretty good about it too, I might add. Late last week the big boss called me into his office to tell me he thought I was doing great so far. He then let me know that he wants to train me in all areas of his operation because he'd like to eventually move me into a management role. How about that?

It's exciting, but at the same time I don't think it's wise for him to be in too much of a hurry. Who knows if this will work out. I didn't say that, of course, but that's how I feel. To be honest, I'm not sure I want the responsibility of a manager. I just want to go in and do my job and collect my paycheque. However, if it seems I have a knack for it, I'll probably accept the advancement. The company is filled with old people and the owner recognizes he needs to prepare now if he hopes to be able to replace senior people as they retire. It could be a good thing for me, who knows.

I'm feeling very shy in the office, for some reason. I'm slowly getting to know people, but it takes time for me. It's probably for the best anyway.

So that's it for now. Week two is only 12 hours away.

First Day Under My Belt

So I got through the first day. It was a long one, but that's okay. There's lots to learn but the people are very nice. I don't want to get too excited yet, but I have to say it does feel pretty right. We'll see. I was very anxious arriving this morning, but once I started making the rounds and meeting people, my anxiety diminished. I have a nice desk that's sort of out of the way, which suits me fine.

I ended up working through half my lunch and staying late, but it doesn't seem like that's common. It's so close to home, to boot, so staying late isn't such a drag. I remember having to drive home for 40 minutes from my last call at 7:30 at night at my last job. Talk about totally demoralizing and depressing.

This is far from a dream job, but it's a job and the pluses seem to outweigh the minuses. In this day and age what more can one hope for, really.

Anyway, I guess we'll see how it works out. Only time will tell.

Dave

My New Job

I start a new job tomorrow morning. It's inside sales at a small, well established company that's been around for decades. The real bonus is it's exactly 8 minutes from my door to theirs. That's going to make the commute very sweet.

The thing is, I'm nervous as all get-out about it. I don't know why. I'm feeling anxious and shy and have no confidence about it. I think I'm afraid of failure. I really need this job to work out in order for me to have some self respect. If it doesn't, that'll be three jobs down. Not good.

I feel like I'm getting back on a horse that's bucked me twice in a row. It's hard to feel confident after the second fall. I know the last job was simply very unreasonable, but still there's that little part of me, that negative mind-speak, that's saying it was really my fault for not being good enough. I try hard not to listen to the negative talk in my head, but... well, if you're reading this you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

The job itself doesn't sound too difficult. The hours are Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. Very sweet. There will be overtime, but nothing like at the last company. The money's slightly less, but not really when you consider I'll be working a third less hours. Another huge plus is that it's located about two minutes from the local mall at which I usually meet my Dad for coffee. I get an hour for lunch, so I'll be able to buzz up to the mall and have lunch with him there. Since my Mom passed on, I've been trying very hard to keep my Dad company. At least this job won't get in the way of that.

Anyway, wish me luck tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be fine after the first day, but I'm going through some serious anticipatory anxiety leading up to it.

On Another Note:

I've been hanging out with a girl "friend" a bit lately. We're only friends. She has a boyfriend. The thing is, I find myself thinking about her a lot. I've had a crush on her since the first day we met, but I've managed to suppress and deny it. She's not interested in me, which is okay. I really enjoy her friendship and that'll be fine. But there's a part of me that's curious about her beyond friendship. Not sure how I'm going to deal with it. I'll probably just ignore it.

Anyway, off to bed. Gotta get my beauty sleep for my big day.

My New Blog!

For some time now I've been thinking about starting a new blog dedicated to writing. Since this blog is supposed to be mostly about social anxiety, I've always felt a little restricted in what I publish. I know I know, I've published a bunch of poetry and other writings here in the past, but now I have a new home for that.

To begin with, I'm moving my past creative writing over to the new blog, but the purpose of the new blog is to encourage me to write more and have fun with it.

Anyway, I hope you'll drop over there for a visit. The new blog site is:

http://word-o-matic.blogspot.com/

It's still a work in progress, so please mind the mess. I'm hoping that in time it'll get better. Please feel free to let me know what you think.

You've GOT to be kidding!

As y'all know by now, I've resigned from my current job. Bye bye job... Bye bye working day and night non-stop... Bye bye trying to live on slave wages. And hello future...

Wednesday's my last day. There have been plenty of "last days" for employees in this company. Use 'em up 'till there's nothing left, watch 'em leave, and hire some more. Repeat and rinse.

Last Saturday was my day off. Mother Nature decided it would be a good day to lay down another thick coating of white frosting. The company volunteered me to work at the Home Show, which was way across the city.

Spent the whole day there.

My day off.

No pay.

They don't believe in that. Well, that's not entirely true. One of the other employees with whom I was manning the booth was getting $20 an hour, because he's not on salary. Nice.

Asked for this Saturday off, in light of the fact I lost last Saturday to the Home Show and risked life and limb to get there and back in a major snow storm. Boss said sure. What else could she say, really. I've already quit and she has no power over me anymore.

This means I have a three day weekend to look forward to. Tomorrow, which I was supposed to work but got off, and Sunday Monday, which are my scheduled days off.

Today... Friday.... 4:48 PM.... Two things come to light simultaneously. My boss has left a message on my voice mail asking what I was doing tomorrow. Seems she wants me to work after all. I then check my email and our call centre has booked me on three calls for Monday, my day off. Amazing.

When you quit a job, there's always that nagging bit of doubt that maybe you're making a huge mistake. Maybe you're just not sucking it up enough. Maybe you're going to regret leaving after a few weeks, once you're reduced to eating Puss 'n' Boots right out of the can.

Then the company tries this sort of nonsense with you. In a way, it's a blessing, because all it's done is reinforce the rightness of my decision to leave. This simply is not a mistake. Good frikken riddens.

I emailed my boss a quick note to let her know I've already made plans. I emailed the call centre to remind them that Monday's my day off and I've made plans for that day too.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday more than ever. I suspect there won't be a goodbye party. That's okay, I'll throw my own.

I resign!

Been a while since my last post, but I've been far too busy for any personal life. That's all about to change. I finally had enough of my job and gave my resignation last week. My end date is one week from tomorrow.

The proverbial straw the camel could not longer carry came by way of having to spend my day off working at the Home Show for free. They "volunteered" me and the rest of the sales team. Some people were paid, while others were not. That alone wouldn't have been enough to make me quit, but I've been working day and night for them non stop. If I was paid by the hour, it wouldn't have been so bad, but it's salary, so I don't get anything extra. The wage works out to be around 12 buck an hour. For me, I simply couldn't handle the pressure. My personal life has taken a back seat for too long and it's time to move on. I know I should stick it out until I find something else, but I just can't hack it any more. I'm done. I quit.

On the positive side: I'm ending it on good terms. No hard feelings. I might even be able to get a reference out of it. We'll see. Also, I've already applied for a new job and it sounds like I just might get it. It's only ten minutes from home and the people seem great. We'll see some more.

So that's it for now. I've missed blogging and sharing experiences with you all. I'm hoping to find more time for that, at least until I get back to work. We'll see again.

Dave